Do you have a Wee Scoops card?
Before my brain melts, I step back from the brink of profundity and have a think about loyalty cards in the hope that this will tell me something about loyalty.
I am rubbish at loyalty cards.
Tesco… “Do you have a clubcard?”
Eh, yes, like, I do have one, but, like, not right now.
“Oh, that’s OK if you keep your receipt you can get the points added at customer service next time you’re in…”
Like that will happen…
Sainsbury’s … “Do you have a Nectar Card?”
Eh, yes, like, somewhere and it has probably a MILLION points on it but have I a scooby as to how, the time or the inclination to go and trade them in for flights/laundry powder? Eh, no.
Morrisons… “Do you have a …. whatisitcalled? Match and Mix? Spend and Save? Food and Free stuff?”
They’ve just introduced a card and I do have it, and it is in my wallet – but will it amount to anything? Will I ever understand what I am to do with it once my points have reached whatever point? Morrisons have enough random wee slips of paper promising all kinds of voucher-based joy spilling out of the till at the end of a shop and wee paper wallets to keep them in, but I am never there enough times on the relevant days for my weeks 1-6 vouchery things…
It all takes too much thought.
ASDA. I don’t think they have a loyalty card. I don’t have a loyalty card for them. I hate going there, but I go there. I buy groceries. They sell groceries. It’s a functional relationship. I have no beef with ASDA. As it were.
So loyalty cards play absolutely no effective part in my shopping. I go to ASDA when I need groceries and am passing ASDA. I go to Morrisons when I am near Morrisons. I go to Tesco when I wind up near Tesco accidentally and against my will. I would go to Sainsbury’s more often but I think £100 of groceries there costs £120, so I don’t go there much. (Of course, if I used the loyalty card strategically, maybe that would knock off the extra £20…)
Why would one be loyal to a supermarket? If ever loyalties could be misplaced one could surely misplace them satisfactorily there.
I find myself imagining how life would be if I was the kind of person that could possibly go out for ten coffees to the same place and get a free one. Imagine having that amount of time AND the ability not to lose the stamper card! I have so many dodgy wee cards I keep having to clear out my wallet and so I NEVER have the relevant card.
What has this taught me about loyalty?
I am not a loyal shopper to any of the large chains.
I am happy with that. Would I be a better person if I were loyal in this respect? No. And I would have further to drive to get to the right shop, so that would be annoying.
I find myself ending up with Huckleberry Finn’s moral code when faced with supermarkets and loyalty cards:
“So I reckoned I wouldn’t bother no more about it, but after this always do whichever come handiest at the time.”