Wee Scoops

Measure for Measure

I defy science by burning more calories than I’ve had hot dinners and STILL fail to lose weight…

Left, right, left, right, left, right left, right…

The warm-up was a bit of a shock to the system: all that breathing in and out and arms going this way and that and legs going up and down and up and down again.

I had a sudden panic that I was going to immediately dehydrate which soon gave way to certain knowledge that my thigh muscles were going to take more than a few days to recover from the “squats”.

At the same time as the building anxiety about the impending hour’s exercise that was only two minutes down, there was a sense that there was nowhere else I’d rather be – fresh air, grass, mud and rain all choreographed to relieve the heat being generated by the wee furnace that was me.

It was sad to think that it has been at least twenty years, if not thirty, since the last time I came into contact with grass in any other context that “sunbathing” (which is an ironic activity undertaken in Scotland in the months of June and July where you wear skimpy clothes under a huge fleece or waterproof, and lie on the ground on a tartan rug and wait until you are forced to acknowledge that it really isn’t warm and it would be better to go inside and have your cup of tea, rather than have it go luke-warm within seconds outside).

Not for years have I peen pushed to the limit in so many ways in such a short time. Press ups? In four training sessions I have gone from being able to do a cheaty-cross-kneed approximation of a press up to, well, something that looks ALmost like a press up. I can’t go exactly ALL the way down without collapsing, but nearly! The worst thing is “bear crawls” where you crawl on all fours, not not with knees, and after a few ‘paces’ feel like vomitting. Apparently that’s when you know you are doing it correctly. :mrgreen:

There’s nothing as welcome as water, from the sky or in a bottle.

Then there is working those abs. My quest to have abs like Ennis may ultimately require surgical intervention, but I am trying the less invasive method first. Crunches, twists and lactic acid pooling behind my belly button. I am sure I have a decent six pack really. Sadly it is hidden behind a tummy that looks precisely like an uncooked steak pie or a batch of half made pizza dough.

So, I can crawl like a commando, dive like a footballer, run like a… quite a slow runner.

I am enjoying the unpredicability of the environment which is a whole other factor in the training. Much more fun than a sterile class. Although, maybe I’ll feel differently if I ever land in the dog poo I have skilfully dodged so far.

Also, when I get home, my dragged-through-a-hedge look allows my son to use his “Gracias” joke to good effect.


One of these days, I will go on the scales and will have lost weight. Surely. (Ah yes, I know, I know, muscle is heavier than fat).

I know.

I need to keep it up for longer than a week!

British Military Fitness poster of James in Ma...

British Military Fitness poster of James in Manchester. #britmilfit (Photo credit: OmarC)



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8 thoughts on “I defy science by burning more calories than I’ve had hot dinners and STILL fail to lose weight…

  1. theotheri on said:

    I can only say: Don’t give up! Keep remembering that it’s worth it.

    And on my bad days when I stare that piece of chocolate sitting there enticingly saying “but I’m only 250 calories…,” remind me to say the same thing.

    I’d say Good Luck. Except I know it’s not luck that has much to do with it.

  2. You are the trooper! Your workout sounds fantastic for your heart and lung capacity. I am proud and inspired.

  3. go get ’em. one day at a time. i am on a similar journey. i completely “get it”. hang in there!

  4. I am very impressed by the described work out – it makes you sound like GI Jane (but pls don’t shave your head). As to the not losing weight, ironically sometimes we eat TOO little, thereby having the whole body go into “starvation mode”. My best tip; eat six meals a day, once every three hours. Small meals, mind you, and rather a boiled egg that a ham sandwich. Good Luck!

    • Thanks for the tips! Macaroni cheese was my staple diet so I have cut that out along with other blatantly high calorie things. I am sure the exercise will help once the fat-to-muscle effect is over 🙂

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