Wee Scoops

Measure for Measure

The Swimming

Buoyant?
Eh, naw.
Stuck in the wee pool
Lik an aquatic cossack dancer,
ma legs concertinaed below.
Shooders unner
tae fend aff chittering.
I moonwalk aroon,
legs unseen.

Want tae huv a go oan the flume?
Eh, naw.
Staunin high and helter skelter
soakin in a queue
tae a roarin tunnel
intae darkness plungin,
roon an roon,
lungin tae the plunge pool,
chlorine burnin up ma nose,
chokin?
Must be jokin.

Away and dae a length then.
Okay, I’ll away an swim
up an doon, up an doon,
Ma heid at right angles
tae ma neck,
keep ma specs
dry.

Dry.
Bumfled up an owerheatit
Stuck wi chlorinated fanklt hair
Glad a hud mind tae bring ma moisturiser
Afore ma face splits.


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8 thoughts on “The Swimming

  1. Jo Redwood on said:

    Noooooooooo! Swimming is the best!!!! Don’t diss it so!!!

    • Hey Jo- I thought of you as I wrote and rebuked myself for not swimming with my face in.
      Despite all this I’ve done my best with the kids – they love it!
      This poem could have gone on and on. Grit in thd changing rooms, having to look at flab, cellulite and wrongly spelled tattoos…
      Thanks for the comment!
      🙂

  2. Scotstig on said:

    Like this a lot, I like swimming but like it more when I have the pool, lake or see to myself.

  3. I love this. Scots dialect makes even the mundane magical (swimming is mundane to me).

  4. Once again I’m with Tilly Bud, I love it! It’s true that swimming with your head out of the water kills the neck and the aftereffects of a dayspent swimming can be brutal. You are so lyrical when you write.

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