Wee Scoops

Measure for Measure

If money isn’t growing on your trees, why not try one of these ideas?

Consumed with my role as a consumer in the recession I have three experiences to share from today based on three ways people have sought to make money from me today:

1. Someone I suspect was on a distant sub-continent rang up, said his name was Simon, claimed to be working for Microsoft…

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I am sure we have all been here with this one. Why do they bother? Am I going to say “Yes, sure, just you let me know where I am going wrong with my computer – and, tell you what – I’ll tell you may bank details over the phone…”?

As you may know I HATE phones and this is one good reason. He rings up and asks to speak to someone who doesn’t and has never lived here – although I suspect she perhaps had our number, historically. The fact that I am not her seems not to bother him and off he goes into the computer scam.

What I object to is that I am made to feel indignant and angry and am tempted to be horrible to someone. I know, they are being fraudulent – but I assume that the caller himself needs the job? I give “Simon” the benefit of the doubt but his employers … *bites tongue* I resent feeling angry when it is so unprovoked 😦

What annoys me is that IT MUST BE WORTH IT or they wouldn’t cold call people this way. This is a real shame for the people that get caught.

2. I passed a “Hurricane Simulator” Booth…

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Jaw dropping irony. What is the point of a Hurricane Simulator? Why not just wait a few hours and stand outside? In a way I am impressed with this idea – and am now working on a “nice weather” simulator … and a few others. But Hurricane? Does Glasgow really need something that SIMULATES bad weather????


Again IT MUST BE WORTH IT – and I hope the people that pay the two pounds never see the irony, or they’ll think “What a swizz!”

3. I bought a “Hello Kitty” cake.

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OK, they got me. But at least it is legal, and the DIY equivalent is not a saving worth making (today) . The “Hello Kitty” franchising is making someone a mint – and well done to them for generating a dull and easy-to-draw cat, licensing the feline phizzog and sitting back lapping up the proceeds. Nothing fishy here.

So, if you are skint, may I suggest you don’t con people. May I also suggest that you limit the dramatic irony inherent in your products.

Here is the trick: look back at all your childhood doodles, find one with mass market appeal and set up a licensing agreement with EVERYONE IN RETAIL.

It’ll be purrrrrrrfect….



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6 thoughts on “If money isn’t growing on your trees, why not try one of these ideas?

  1. You have a brilliant idea for the next big thing, find a childhood doodle and make a complete toy, clothing and accessory line. I don’t have any marketable doodles mine were and are still abstract like art. I do dislike the cold calling by anyone, I don’t know how anyone can do it either. How much do you think that they can make to try to pull off these scams? How do they sleep at night?

    • It must be a horrible job working in a fraudulent call centre – getting verbal abuse from the people you call all the time and knowing you are conning the vulnerable.

  2. Scotstig on said:

    Perhaps, and I am not being funny here, you could use the scammer’s calls to create Christian Outreach opportunities. When they ask “Did you know there’s a virus on your computer?” , you can answer “More importantly, did you know that there is a devil virus on your soul? And I am a representative from Jesus Christ who is the only one who can remove it.”

    Yes it’s cheesy and yes they will most likely hang up but isn’t that what you wanted anyway? On the other hand you might just reach out from The Lord to a complete stranger for the first time. And we Christians? We ain’t scammers….

  3. Hello Kitty has been huge in Japan for at least the last 20 years. There has been a pop subculture over here that has supported it for about as long.

    My Daughter looks adorable in her Hello Kitty Toque (if your not in canada that is a winter hat that keeps you warm).

    That hurricane simulator I agree is a scam and a half. Especially since we had wind gusts stronger than that thing just a couple weeks ago. Still, my kids had no problem spending some of their allowance on it.

    With the right marketing you could sell anything, no matter how lame it was. I will race you to the sunshine simulator though

    • I remember Hello Kitty from years ago – but there has certainly been a resurgence of late. My daughter is having her sixth birthday party today. I feel Hello Kitty may feature heavily.
      I quite like Hello Kitty, so this is OK.
      I wish there was a cat emoticon. I’d use it here.

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