Wee Scoops

Measure for Measure

Mrs Mearnsy Considers a Career as a Reality TV Star

Mrs Mearnsy is sitting on the couch, stroking her iPad and surfing facebook. She is momentarily drawn to an article that has been shared about a reality TV show “Made in Mearns”. She reads the article and becomes animated, shuffling herself to a more alert and upright posture. She looks into middle distance and begins to speak. To you:

Well, I must say, that’s a bit of a thought. I always thought I’d be an interesting study for TV. I could show the world a thing or two about housewifery and social climbing. Although this ad seems to be looking for “party animals”.

I think they are sniffing around the wrong suburb for party animals. That’s the demographic that simply ARE NOT HERE. There are children batched up and educated; single people who want a civilized and quiet life;  parents of the aforementioned children and there are pensioners in their droves. The party animals have all moved away – to places with bars, cafes and transport links. And why wouldn’t they? I thought everyone knew the Mearns was a social blackspot for anyone between the ages of twelve and thirty-five.

So, what sort of themes would arise in a reality show based in the Mearns? A debate about the which is the right side and which is the wrong side of the Ayr Road? The tell-tale area codes of the nouveau riche? Boundary jumping for catchments? The futility of private education in an educational utopia?…

But party animals? If they were to follow the party-goers of Mearns, would they not just be tailing a bunch of taxis into town? Or… horrors… am I missing a party scene? Right here?

Mrs Mearnsy is suddenly puce. Her worldview is crumbling. Maybe this sleepy suburb is just a facade, masking a hotbed of jamborees, to which she has suddenly discovered, she has not been invited. 

Well, there’s only one thing for it. I have to make it onto the show. I’ll start to invite round all those people I have meant to invite round.  I can serve up prosecco and vol-au-vents as well as the next person.

Mrs Mearnsy begins to google frantically looking for more information on the application process for the show. She suddenly stops.She sighs, closes her eyes and slumps back with a beatific smile on her face. It was all a hoax. Her career as a TV star will have to wait. 

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4 thoughts on “Mrs Mearnsy Considers a Career as a Reality TV Star

  1. I like this character a lot, she is very cute, where did she get her Ipad I wonder?

  2. scotstig on said:

    The thought of “Made in Mearns” is laughable. I’m sure there are some fantastic characters in Mearns but not sure it would make good television. The sight of another CRM house being knocked down in Whitecraigs to make way for a new modern carbuncle with no garden is just sad. Mearns is wealthy but community is not it’s strong point despite the best efforts of the local churches. It’s not alone Dalgety Bay is just the same as is Milngavie. Modern wealthy Scots are not social animals because no-one wants to live near a pub or nightclub especially when it closes and spills its contents into the street. People who live in Mearns don’t want to party that’s why they moved to Mearns. A friend of mine who still lives in the Mearns said that every time they heard the Del Amitri song – Nothing Ever Happens it was “The Ballad of Newton Mearns”.

    I’m not saying Newton Mearns is a bad place to live, you just need to be a certain type of person to enjoy it as Sanstorm has said.

    Notably, while watching “The One Show” the other night there was an article on the sense of community and the warmth of people in Easterhouse. People who have less, have more because they rely on each other not on their bank balances. Is there a lesson here?

    When a Mearns Primary parent was refused permission to land their helicopter for their child’s primary prom that spoke volumes.

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