Mrs Mearnsy Considers a Career as a Reality TV Star
Mrs Mearnsy is sitting on the couch, stroking her iPad and surfing facebook. She is momentarily drawn to an article that has been shared about a reality TV show “Made in Mearns”. She reads the article and becomes animated, shuffling herself to a more alert and upright posture. She looks into middle distance and begins to speak. To you:
Well, I must say, that’s a bit of a thought. I always thought I’d be an interesting study for TV. I could show the world a thing or two about housewifery and social climbing. Although this ad seems to be looking for “party animals”.
I think they are sniffing around the wrong suburb for party animals. That’s the demographic that simply ARE NOT HERE. There are children batched up and educated; single people who want a civilized and quiet life; parents of the aforementioned children and there are pensioners in their droves. The party animals have all moved away – to places with bars, cafes and transport links. And why wouldn’t they? I thought everyone knew the Mearns was a social blackspot for anyone between the ages of twelve and thirty-five.
So, what sort of themes would arise in a reality show based in the Mearns? A debate about the which is the right side and which is the wrong side of the Ayr Road? The tell-tale area codes of the nouveau riche? Boundary jumping for catchments? The futility of private education in an educational utopia?…
But party animals? If they were to follow the party-goers of Mearns, would they not just be tailing a bunch of taxis into town? Or… horrors… am I missing a party scene? Right here?
Mrs Mearnsy is suddenly puce. Her worldview is crumbling. Maybe this sleepy suburb is just a facade, masking a hotbed of jamborees, to which she has suddenly discovered, she has not been invited.
Well, there’s only one thing for it. I have to make it onto the show. I’ll start to invite round all those people I have meant to invite round. I can serve up prosecco and vol-au-vents as well as the next person.
Mrs Mearnsy begins to google frantically looking for more information on the application process for the show. She suddenly stops.She sighs, closes her eyes and slumps back with a beatific smile on her face. It was all a hoax. Her career as a TV star will have to wait.