These Shoes Weren’t Made for Walking: Pittery Glittery Pattery Shoe Review
As it turned out, the shoes were the least of my worries, but they were still rubbish, as far as shoes go. Which isn’t particularly far in this case. (Remembering that traditional shoe priorities do not apply in the case of sliver shoes.)
The new shoes were a thousand times more comfortable than the old shoes. But along with comfort comes relative ugliness, blandness and middle-agedness. I am sure the shoes would have thought the same about me, given that there were countless bright young things they could have been adorning. (Except the bright young things wouldn’t have worn them. They would have been left on the literal shelf. In the literal shop.)
LEFT: So, San put us on and regarded us in the mirror. I thought our profile was looking good.
RIGHT: But we weren’t very HIGH, were we? We were a wee bit wedgie, not very stilletoey, were we, not very “kitten”?
LEFT: But she set off down the stairs quite the thing. Then, we began to let ourselves down.
RIGHT: Yes, well, those little straps at the back are a bit unreliable. Not very robust.
LEFT: Indeed. But we made it out of the house, felt the patio beneath our soles, and made our way to the car.
RIGHT: And I was SO looking forward to driving! I was going to get the accelerator and brake.
LEFT: And I was on clutch, theoretically. But then we just couldn’t stay on – we got flung off, and onto San’s clutch bag instead. Boo!
RIGHT: We sat in the footwell, feeling a little grumpy, and had to wait until we got there.
LEFT: But once there, I think we did a good job!
RIGHT: Yes we did. If it’s one thing we know how to do – we know how to walk carefully in a straight line for a short distance. Any other factors – and we’re stuffed.
LEFT: And we weren’t alone, were we?! While surrounded by stilt-like, spangly, glittery, platformed creations, I realised this: San was lucky! We were perhaps drab in comparison – but we were wearable, on some practical level.
RIGHT: Yes, those poor girls wearing miniature ski-slopes for shoes, in fear of losing their balance at high altitudes!
LEFT: So, overall – could we have done any better?
RIGHT: Aye, maybe. But she could have made more of an effort! Spending the last 38 years wearing trainers and dodgy boots didn’t help her. Her muscles are all hobbity. No tippy-toes sophistication at all.
LEFT: No … no she hasn’t any of that, that’s for sure. So, any plans for the weekend?
RIGHT: Well, what about … we sit gathering dust under the bed for about a year, alongside cheap and nasty strappy sandals in a variety of obscure colours, bought in haste at the tail end of stressful and depressing shopping trips done on the eves of various weddings that have taken place during the last decade?
LEFT: Great plan.
So I am back in my Converses tonight and feeling happily flat footed. They even match the dress I had on last night. It did cross my mind to TRY them with the dress…but I managed to keep myself in check…