Wee Scoops

Measure for Measure

Postaday 2011: Road Trip – St Andrews to Auchtertool

It was the early nineties and I was at university in St Andrews. Coming home for the weekend meant travelling on “The Coach from Hell” that went via every hamlet between Fife and Glasgow. And no one ever got on. And no one ever got off. A two-hour drive was extended to a three and a half hour education in the rural pitstops of Fife.

The most frustrating pitstop was Auchtertool. No one EVER got on. No one EVER got off. But yet, there was a bus stop by The Kiwi Tavern.

One time I borrowed a car for a weekend, and what better way to celebrate than to go on a wee hurl to Auchtertool to see what the point of it was. We planned to have a pint of coke at the Kiwi Tavern, so we did.

In addition to having a car, we also had the novelty of a video camera and decided to film the trip. We drove out of St Andrews blasting out “We’re on the Road To Nowhere”.

As we approached Auchtertool, someone asked where we would park. I said, “I thought we would just park in “The Maltings“. I had passed through so many times, I knew the names of the side streets. My passengers thought this was hilarious.

The Maltings is a circa1970 cul-de-sac.  We bumped up of the pavement and discarded the vehicle. Taking our camera and tripod, we filmed ourselves talking a load of rubbish about the film we were kidding on we were directing, and arrived at the Kiwi Tavern.

We ordered our pints of coke and some pork scratchings, set up the tripod and filmed ourselves at a wee table next to the open fire.

The footage of the return journey contains of a lot of silly giggling, an abortive toilet stop in a field, a close up of the back of a biker and “Golden Brown” on loop.

Luckily the video is trapped on an obsolete VHS.

I believe the coach from hell still stops in Auchtertool. I do not know if anyone avails themselves of its services.

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One thought on “Postaday 2011: Road Trip – St Andrews to Auchtertool

  1. It truly is the coach from hell. It has the ability to eradicate all reason from self and give the belief that the world is truly against you.

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